How to make loads of Money in Dhivehiraajje

If you are a Majlis member from the ‘opposition’.

• You can sell your ‘budget’ and other big-ticket item votes to Sarukaaru for at least six figures each time. If you play it smart you can be a millionaire even before you are half way through your term.
• Get on the stage of opposition rallies a few times and shout as much filth as you can to Gayoom. All that you’ve got to do is to master the vocabulary of Auguraanu. Rest assured, DRP would want to buy you in no time. If you play it a little hard to get and act like a real firebrand, they’ll surely buy you for seven figures plus perks such as a top job in the government and a few memberships in boards of Government companies.

If you are a Majlis member from DRP.

• Threaten to resign from the government and join MDP. You are sure to leapfrog to at least a deputy minister’s rank and get an ‘Atholhu fihaara’ or a ‘Cresent fihaara’ for just a few thousand Rufiyaa which you can then rent out to an Addu businessman for a whopping 60,000 a month. You might also get your hospital lease extended for another 15 years without having to for a public tender.
• Make DRP Zaeem feel that you are among the elite few that have the balls to take the opposition rabblerousers head-on. Zaeem will soon offer you a cabinet portfolio and you’ll have a lovely seven figure bank balance before you even realize it.

If you are a resort owner or a businessman

• Wriggle your way to a majlis seat of an atoll through trickery and bribe. Those island folks will sell their vote for Rf 50 and to get elected you need an investment of a few hundred thousand. But once you have a seat you’d soon learn of ways to coerce government through the use of judiciary to give you a resort for a small nominal fee or award lucrative contracts that will pay off your investment in a matter of weeks.
• Become a protégé of a half-brother of the president. He will then create lots of business opportunities for you such as opportunities to become JV partners of state owned enterprises.

If you are an unemployed, half-literate, wannabe rags-to-riches type

• Start paddling drugs - there’s a ready market and if you play your cards right - c’mon you know how your friends do it - you can be in business with virtual impunity. Before you realize you will be on your way to making loads of money.
• Get those grade something dropouts around your neighborhood to form a ‘gang’. You can use this gang to lend a hand to the Izzaiytherin in the government and the opposition to run those little ploys that they need from time to time. Pays very handsomely.